Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —
because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest,
because in that moment you’ll have gone so far
I’ll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?
The only time I feel good falling, is when I fall fast and hard for you.
The only time I feel good sinking, is when I’m sinking fast and deep for you.
You caught me when I was winking, now my winking days are through.
Could it be another change?
To come and rearrange?
Why can’t you just feel that way, I do.
You can’t love no one.
You can’t love anything.
You can’t love something.
You can’t love nothing.
Till you can love yourself.
I have a few friends over, and for a week, they kept me company, updating me on everything. When they left, theres only one thing I realized.
I miss me.
This sickness changed me. I don’t know how bad I had been changed. I don’t know much I had changed. I don’t know how everyone else around me has changed.
But it has changed. Alot. Sometimes, I couldn’t keep up to it. Adjusting to people and vice versa.
I miss my friends. I really miss them. I miss talking to them. Not being able to talk to them as much as I had before hurts me the most. I am not used to it. I’m not used to not seeing them most of the time. Life catches us on… but my shrink said, thats where you test the long belief in friendship that it doesn’t matter how many days or years you’ve stopped seeing each other, the moment you does, everything seemed like only happened overnight.
Sometimes, that is true…. sometimes, the more you keep the bridge longer, people don’t always want to follow. And when that happens, the more I hate my sickness. The more I feel like life isn’t fair. The more I feel that whatever misfortune I’ve had, I deserved them. And most of all… the more I feel alone. And I hate feeling it.
They say when you’re depressed, it would be your friends who would be the one to see it. My friends takes the blind side on things like these, because they have created this picture perfect image of me that I can’t be depressed. That I can’t be even remotely near to that level.
How long can one person wear a mask to hide it’s imperfection? How long can one should pretend that nothing has changed, when everything has. How far can one person go before stopping?
I wish, they would see my imperfections, I wish they would see how tired I am, and I wish they would stop asking me to come and save them.
Project 365: Day 36
Project 365: Day 29
God Bless the Queen! Thank you for your 33 years of reign Queen Beatrix
Project 365: Day 27